Saturday, October 20, 2012

motherhood isn't for sissies

Motherhood is difficult.
I think the last 4 weeks have worn me out more than anything else in my life.
I love my little boy so SO incredibly much, 
but boy do I miss sleep sometimes.

Motherhood is not easy by any means.
Yes, babies eat, sleep, poop, and want to be held.  
That's pretty much it.  
But until you have a baby of your own, you'll never quite understand how time consuming those few things can be.

My little Ollie loves nothing more than to be cuddled and loved.
He sleeps curled up on my chest, day and night.  
It's nearly the only place he's content to sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time. 
And so I let him.
He balls his little hands up and curls them under his chest.  
He desperately kicks his legs and pushes off my stomach until he can scoot his tiny body up my chest and nestle his head in the crevice of my neck.
And once he's all cozy and content, 
he falls asleep, taking deep, even breaths.  

I love it. 
I love feeling so needed.
It's like he depends on me for everything.
And somehow it's this thought that makes everything worth it.

As much as I love and cherish cuddling 24/7 with my little man, it means slacking off on other things.
And I know that laundry and dishes aren't THAT important,
but things are definitely piling up around these parts.  
I have a sink full of dishes, a scattered mess I used to call a living room, 
a bedroom full of clutter and chaos, unwashed clothes laying around, and clean clothes still sitting in my dryer. 
In the last couple weeks the most elaborate meal I've made has been quesadillas.  
And like I said, I know these things aren't THAT important, but there are other things that I can only put off for so eating for one.  Finding time to eat, shower, brush my teeth, and even go to the bathroom has become a challenge every day. 
Is Ollie asleep?  How much time do I have until he gets up?? Enough for a granola bar or a glorious bowl of cereal?  Enough for a quick 2 min shower or the good kind of shower where I actually wash my hair?
Yep, these are the thoughts that go through my head on any given day during nap time. 
And like I said, since he'll only sleep somewhere (other than on me) for 10 minutes at a time, I gotta move fast these days.

I've spent more time crying than I care to admit.  
Crying because I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.
Crying because I can't seem to accomplish anything around my house anymore.
Crying because breastfeeding has been worse than pregnancy and labor in so many ways.
Crying because Oliver was crying.
Crying because the thought of not crying made me cry.
Yeah, I've been a little crazy lately.

My hubby has seriously been my biggest support ever.
Despite the fact that he's also exhausted, attending grad school full time, auditing an elective class, and working part time, he's somehow found a way to prioritize me and Ollie.  
Gosh I love him.  I honestly married a wonderful man.

There are so many things that make motherhood worth it.
But there are also so many things no one tells you about.
But to be honest, that topic deserves a whole post of its own.  

So there you have it.  
That's motherhood so far.  
Wonderful in so many ways and yet challenging beyond belief.  
I can't wait to see my adorable little man grow up.
But for now, I'm happy and content letting him snuggle down on my chest for an afternoon nap.  


LAUREN said... Best Blogger Tips

Anything challenging makes you appreciate what you're doing even that much more. I've seen my ten year old brother grow up and I see what my mom and dad have had to do and sacrifice. What a blessing, though! Congrats on your sweet boy!

Candace said... Best Blogger Tips

Ah I remember this stage. Harper is about to hit three months and it has gotten easier. I cried a ton in the beginning a TON. Now I still cry sometimes now but I'm more at ease with motherhood. You are doing a great job!! And snuggles are the best;)

Susan said... Best Blogger Tips

What a perfect description of my first few weeks of motherhood! I can totally relate to everything you said. Hang in there. It took me a few more weeks but things slowly came together until one day I realized that I actually had a functioning schedule down that worked for me and my baby. Everything got better for me when I was healed enough to go on walks and exercise again. Also, these about saved my life when plowing through one nursing issue after another:

Sorry to just give you a ton of advice, I'm sure you have plenty of that already! I can already tell you're an awesome mom and things will eventually get so much easier! Congrats on having such a cute little guy :)

hkfarnsworth said... Best Blogger Tips

so happy for you.this post honestly makes me just want to have my baby even though i know it will be hard.

We need to talk sometime about breastfeeding if you dont mind. Its like my biggest fear.

Love you. Will keep you sweet mommy in my prayers. Ollie is beautiful.

Love you girl

Brian & Lisa said... Best Blogger Tips

It gets better! you are doing an awesome job being Ollies mum. If you are having problems with breastfeeding go to your lactation specialist. Kohana didnt latch on well when she was 2 days old and it was the saddest day of my life. She kept crying and would refuse my breast so she was starving. One visit to the specialist made all the difference because we found out that she was sucking how she would a pacifier instead of the breast so we got rid of them until she was 2 months. Then to retrain her to suck on my breast they put sugar drops on and she latched on so fast lol. loves her sweets already. anyway if you ever need to vent you should call me =) I know its hard but enjoy these newborn days, they will go by so fast and he wont want you to hold him 24/7. It gets better, You are doing a fantastic job!

Adeline Tan said... Best Blogger Tips

Candace! Stay strong! You did a wonderful job and I know that you will be able to handle it. Even though I seldom comment but I really love reading your posts so keep writing. Baby Ollie is such a cutie! Congrats to both you and Beau! Miss you tons sweetie! XOXO