pregnancy reflections (trimester by trimester)

First Trimester:

Overall thoughts: Finding out we were having a baby was one of the most surreal moments of my and hubby's lives.  Seriously, there was a solid week where hubby and I couldn't look at each other without giving each other that look.  The look of "We're having a baby.  We're going to be parents.  US!  We're having a baby!"  I didn't really want to tell anyone at first, because obviously you never know what can happen.  We ended up telling our immediate family and a couple really close friends.  Other than that, we kept our mouths shut and went about our days as normal.  Well, as normal as possible while feeling sick non-stop.  Thankfully I never got terrible morning sickness.  Unpleasant for certain, but tolerable at least.  

Food aversions:  Umm, food in general?  Seriously though, I  didn't have any particular foods that I couldn't eat, but eating in general was just a little difficult.  It was hard to ever find anything that actually sounded good.  

Food cravings:  Clementines!  I went through SOOO many clementines.  Thank goodness for Costco.  And my less healthy craving?  McDonald's.  Not sure if the appeal was the nuggets and fries or just the fact that I didn't have to cook and have my house smell like food.  Either way, I'm glad this particular craving only lasted for a couple weeks.  

Worst symptoms:  

Nausea--Thankfully I never actually threw up, but the feeling that I could at any moment was definitely not fun.

Exhaustion--I have honestly never felt as exhausted as I did in those first weeks of pregnancy.  I usually don't fall asleep very fast, but boy could I sleep during the first trimester!  I was out just like that every night.  And if I hadn't been busy with school and work (it was my last semester before graduation), I would have been napping non stop too I think.  

Constant need to pee--TMI?  Eh, everything in pregnancy is pretty tmi actually.  But yeah, I seriously had to pee every half hour to an hour for like 12 weeks straight.  Pretty inconvenient when working and going to school.  Actually, I imagine peeing that much is inconvenient regardless of your lifestyle.  Seriously, who has that much time to spend in the bathroom?  

Big events: We found out hubby got accepted to the top grad school in his program only three days after finding out we were expecting a baby.  Let me tell you, that was the craziest week ever.

Best part:  I really didn't have to change much about my day-to-day life.  I could workout the same.  I fit in all my regular clothes.  

Second Trimester:

Overall thoughts:  I hit the cliche and got a lot of my energy back during this trimester.  It was also nice being able to freely talk about being pregnant.  We made our "official announcement" at 12 weeks. I didn't start to show for quite some time (I started getting a distinct "bump"  at around 24 weeks).  It was nice being able to still feel "normal" for most of this trimester as well.  

Food aversions:  I actually don't think I had any aversions.  Food was pretty good during this time.   

Food cravings:  Mostly just food in general.  I remember being hungry all the time during this trimester.  I never left the house without water and several snacks in my bag.  There was one 2-week period where I was craving meat, particularly red meat.  Which is super weird for me, since I don't really eat anything but chicken and seafood.  Ever.  Well, during those 2 weeks I ate a hamburger, beef kabobs, and asian-style pork ribs.  Oh how hubby was in heaven.  He keeps hoping that particular craving will resurface.  

Worst symptoms:  

Headaches--I started getting headaches around 15 weeks and up until just about week 35, I was getting them pretty regularly.  They were definitely at their worst during the heart of the 2nd trimester though. Terrible terrible terrible.  

Big events:  We found out baby's gender (boy). Felt baby kick for the first time. I graduated from BYU-Hawaii. We moved away from our lovely Hawaiian island.

Best part:  I felt great during this time.  I got that "surge of energy" that women sometimes associate with the 2nd trimester.  I was able to workout much better during this trimester, simply because I had more energy.  Loved it!

Third Trimester:

Overall thoughts: This trimester was LONG.  Maybe it's just the fact that it's the "homestretch," but this trimester felt especially long towards the end.  Even now that I'm at 40 weeks, part of me still feels like I may be pregnant forever.  I'm not quite sure what "normal" is supposed to feel like anymore.  It's been fun feeling all of baby's movements this trimester though.  They've become a lot more powerful and distinct.  Hubby loves "playing" with baby's little feet in the evenings when he's at his most active.  

Food aversions:  Tomatoes.  Not that I didn't want to eat them, but they were about the only thing that gave me heartburn.  Fresh tomatoes, canned tomatoes, tomato sauce...you name it and I was taking stupid Tums because of it.  There weren't any foods that were repulsive though.    

Food cravings:  Hmm, let's see.  Smoothies, LOTS of smoothies!  Peaches (fresh, frozen, and any other way I could eat them).  Chocolate milk.  I think those are the main ones I've been enjoying.  Mmmm mmm mm.

Worst symptoms:  

Sciatic Pain--This has seriously been terrible!  I didn't know nerve pain could be so...well, painful!  Ugh, I just tried to do yoga and pilates to relieve the pain, but to be honest, I just suffered through it most of the time when it hit.  

Big events: We moved to Nashville.  Hubby started grad school.  We attended a 5-week series birthing class.  

Best part:  Feeling baby's movements all the time.  For all the pains, aches, and down-right awkwardness that comes with pregnancy, I absolutely love feeling baby's kicks and squirms and knowing that he's safe inside me. 



Soo, there you have it.  My pregnancy summed up in a blog post.  Now I'm just looking forward to the adventure of labor and the excitement of having a newborn soon. :)

t-minus three weeks

I'm overwhelmed.  

We've moved 3 times in a matter of 3 and half weeks, and we're moving again in a week and a half.  

We're officially leaving our island home of paradise on June 1st.

We only have 3 weeks left here and I'm really really going to miss it.  

Hawaii has been more than just a beautiful paradise.  

It's been my home for the past three years.

It's where I met my husband, fell in love, and got engaged.  

It's where we started our life together after our wedding.

It's the place where we both went to college and graduated.

The place where we learned what it meant to be "grown up."

The place where we found out we were pregnant and 

The place where we got to listen to our little boy's heartbeat for the first time.

Hawaii has helped give me a perspective that I hope never to lose.  

It's taught me about cultural appreciation.

Friendship.

Love.

It's introduced this city-girl to the joys of a slow-tempered lifestyle.

A lifestyle I never thought I'd be able to embrace when I first moved out here.

And now as our Hawaiian journey is coming to a close, 

I find myself hoping (wishing even) that our life's journey will somehow lead us back here.

Back to this place where our lives really started.

And can I admit something?

I'm terrified about moving and leaving this place behind.

We're stepping into a completely new way of life and I have zero idea of what to expect.

We're moving to Nashville, a place neither of us have ever been.

Hubby will be started graduate school in a great program.

Baby is due less than a month from the first day of hubby's start date.

And for the first time in my life I'm not going to be working or in school.

Everything is changing for us.  

And it's all changing all at once.  

But aside from being somewhat terrified, I'm also intrigued and excited.  

When I first came to Hawaii, I was almost in the same position. 

I had no idea what to expect.

I was young, single, going to college, and was thousands of miles away from my family.

And yet look where I am now.

I could never have imagined my life could become so wonderful in such a short period of time.

I could never have imagined that the decision to go to Hawaii would lead to such wonderful things.

And now I'm excited to see what wonderful things Nashville is going to bring to us.

I'm excited for the opportunities that await us there.  

So yes, that's what I'm feeling lately.  

Overwhelmed, grateful, terrified, and excited.

All the regular emotions in the day of a pregnant woman. 

how my views of love have changed over the years

I've always believed in love.

But over the years it's meant different things to me.

When I was a child it meant that all boys were princes and all girls were princesses.

It meant that nothing bad ever happened once you were in love.

After all, isn't that what "happily ever after" is supposed to mean?

As I got older, I started realizing that love was a little more complex.

There was a little more depth to it than I originally thought.

Maybe there were other feelings attached to love.

So I changed my view.

When I was a teenager I interpreted love through love songs.

When I had my first truly painful heartbreak I cried and cried 

while listening to "What Hurts the Most" by the Rascal Flatts.

Because in my mind, that song was saying everything that I was feeling.

The lyrics were the perfect representation of everything I felt but couldn't express myself.

Looking back I was never as delicate with other people's hearts as I should have been.

Love is funny that way.  When you don't fully understand it, it can make you a tad selfish.

In high school I was much too concerned with my own feelings and never gave quite enough thought to how I was making others feel.  

The heart is a delicate, delicate thing and as I've learned over the years, 

just because you may not feel particularly strongly about someone, 

that doesn't mean they don't feel everything for you.

Be kind, the heart is a delicate thing.

Starting college I was cautious about love.  

In my younger years I had experienced simplistic love, shallow love, non-committal love, and love that I thought was "real," but eventually ended in disappointment.

I was not looking for love when I came to college.  

In fact I think I was looking for simplistic, shallow, and non-committal. 

I had felt just enough of "real love" that I was terrified to make myself vulnerable to getting hurt.

I had several flings and I gotta tell you I was happy with it.

But then I met Beau.

I went into the relationship expecting little more than flirting and kisses.

{makes me sound shallow doesn't is?}

He was different though.  Unlike the other guys I had dated in college, he wasn't in it for a fling.

And that terrified me.

He expected so much more from me.

I don't know if he realized it, but he pushed me to re-evaluate my view on love and relationships.

He was seriously in this thing for the long haul and though I still believed in love, 

I don't think I believed in it as strongly as he did.  

I wanted so badly to believe that love could be forever, but since all my "loves" had had endings, I just couldn't grasp that concept yet.  

I thought that love had to be something perfect in order to last forever.  

I thought it had to be something overwhelming.

Something that you never questioned.  

The day I married Beau, was the day I realized that a forever love is perfect.  It is overwhelmingly powerful.  And I have since never  questioned our relationship.  

If you let it, this is how I believe love should evolve.  

The second you make the commitment to be with someone forever, 

your view of the relationship has to change.  

Thomas S. Monson once said, "Choose your love, then love your choice."  

Every single day I feel overwhelmingly grateful for my husband and for what he has taught me about true love.

It's not something that can be summed up in a Disney princess movie.

It's more complex than the lyrics to a song, no matter how moving the song may be.

It's not necessarily something easy to describe.  

It's a feeling that you'll recognize though.

It's a feeling that is undeniably wonderful and beautiful.

And when you feel it, you'll understand why you had to feel the all the heartbreak you ever felt.  

Hardly anyone is lucky enough to feel true love without first learning and experiencing what love is.

And often that includes heartbreak and growth.

Love is something to cherish and nurture.

It's something worth putting all your heart and trust into it.

If you'd asked me my views on love just three years ago, I bet they would have been a whole lot different.

That's the beauty of life though.  

It teaches you as you go. 

And love is probably one of the most beautiful lessons I've ever learned.

fabulous news

This weekend the hubby and I got some fabulous news. 

As of this past Saturday, Beau officially  has a great new job for this next year.

So while I'm finishing up my last year of college, Beau has a wonderful job.

And best of all, he got his first pick as well. 

It's funny but this is our first big step as a married couple. 

We're so used to living off of a student worker salary, it's weird that we're actually going to be getting legitimate paychecks. I feel very blessed though. 

There are of course days when I complain about our tiny tiny studio. I complain about how I have to use a cup to roll out my pizza dough because I can't justify buying a real rolling pin.  I complain about having to use a overly-crowded, shared laundry room instead of having our own machines.  I complain about having such busy, chaotic weeks.

But really, when it comes down to is, I'm very blessed. I'm truly so SO blessed. 

I have a terrific husband that is always there for me. We are both healthy people. Though we make hardly any money, we've never had financial problems.  We both have received/are receiving great educations that will both bless us and our future family.  I have no idea what the future has in store for us, but I couldn't be more happy to find out. I'm grateful for my present though. I spend too much of my time thinking about the future and often forget to really take notice of the countless blessings that I presently have.

So for now, I'm grateful that I'm able to attend such a wonderful school. I'm grateful that my husband is able to support the two of us.  I'm grateful that we have made so many wonderful friends here.  I'm grateful that Hawaii feels more and more like home everyday.  And I'm grateful that I married my best friend. 

a good cause and high school poetry

There are so many amazing organizations in the world.

I am constantly so impressed with people's genuine desire to do good. 

And yet there is still so much sadness, corruption, and heartache in the world.  

Do you ever hear of an organization that immediately tugs at your heart strings?

Well, there is one organization that I feel really strongly that I need to share with you all today.

Perhaps you've heard of it. It's called Invisible Children. 

They are doing something called the 25 Campaign.  

They are trying to collect $25 dollars from as many people as possible. 

And when you read about all the good they can do and that NEEDS to be done, $25 suddenly doesn't seem like that much money anymore. 

Here is the trailer to the documentary that was made some years ago.

But if you're really interested, you can find more information on their website, here.

And for your enjoyment, some poetry I wrote back in high school (that maybe relates to changing the world. Maybe)....

Power—

                Words can have such power.

                Or hardly any effect.

We stress over the right ones. 

And think little of the vulgar ones. 

And isn’t it a little funny

                The way we spurt off obscenities

                                As if we are young children,

                                                Merely reciting the alphabet.

                And the way we talk ourselves

                                Out of saying how we really feel.

With each sunrise,

                Someone wakes and dreams of changing the world.

So why is it that we allow our dreams to become so inanimate?

                Instead of taking action we grumble about another day.

We are only humans though.

And humans are merely another species,

                With greater technology. 

So where does the greatness come from? 

Words unearth it.  Bringing dreams into reality. 

For perhaps we cannot change the world. 

But our words can change the world. 

Why don’t we use them more then? 

                I’m not speaking of the vulgar, meaningless ones,

                For they mean nothing

Where are the powerful words?  The ones that can make a difference?

They are not heard because they are not said—

                No, no, they are not said near enough.

So speak up, speak up with power.  

Words are all we have.

our weekend, part II

Some days I never want to leave Hawaii. 

Beau makes fun of me because I'm known for using the phrase "the real world."

I'll say, "When we move back to the real world, can we do such and so?" 

Because to me, Hawaii is not the real world.  

Instead, Hawaii changes daily for me. 

Some days (typically mid-semester) it is a stressful place.

During breaks from school it is a serene, beautiful place.

But more than anything, it is constant. 

The weather is always nice (even raining days are warm), the wind always blows,

the ocean waves always crash. 

The people always says aloha, mahalo, brah, and shoots.

The plants are always luscious and green.

The surfers always surf.

Seriously, I feel like I live in a magical place sometimes.

And as eager as I am to "get back to the real world," I'm happy to be here for now. 

I'm happy to live in a place where my husband and I can take beautiful walks by the beach.

I'm happy to live in a place that makes both of us happy to call home.

I'm happy to live in a place that has taught me about appreciation. 

And one day, when we are living who knows where with little kiddos running around, 

I want to show them pictures of the place where their momma and daddy started their lives together.

Because I can't think of a more perfect place to start off our little make-shift fairytale. 

I want to tell our kids all about crazy adventures we've had here.

The tsunami warnings we survived. The beaches we went to.

The opportunities school gave us while living here.

The fabulous friends that we hung out with.

And the many dreams that we made daily.  

too many roles

Sometimes I'm not sure how to divide my time. 

I feel pulled in too many directions.

I'm asked to be a full-time student.

I'm expected to be a skilled and experienced researcher.

I'm told I'm a leader.

I need to be a hard-worker.

I want to be a great wife.

I wish I was a creative cook.

And when it comes down to it, I feel overwhelmed.

Yep, these are all the things that have been swimming through my head lately.

So yesterday I finally did something about it. 

I talked with one of my professors and decided to stop working on one of the research groups that I was involved in.  And let me tell you, with one less responsibility I'm feeling much better.  

Yes, I'm still working part-time in one research group, volunteering in a second research group, and leading a third research group.  All while being a full-time student and wife.

BUT, I feel a whole lot better today than I did two days ago.

Only three more weeks and then I have a lovely 10 day break from school.

Ahhh I can taste the end.  It's so close!

For now though, at least I feel like I can breathe again.

And that, is enough to get me through the rest of the semester.

I think I'm beginning to realize that I can't be super woman.
As much as I want to be and try to be, it's just not gonna happen.
There are days when I may not be as prepared for school as I want.
Days when I just don't know the answer to a question.
Days when I don't feel like leading anyone, because I won't want to get out of bed.
Days when I may be a bit short with people.
Days when I won't want to cook,
or days when my cooking is just plain bad (if you ask my husband about this, I guarantee he will bring up the pad thai incident...).
And finally, there will be days when I just want to sit at home, stay in PJs, watch a chick flick, and have a good cry.
But you know what, that's OKAY.
That's right, it's okay to have days like that.
Not all the time, but ever so often, I think we need these days.
At least I do.
Because then, I start feeling a heck of a lot better about things.
I have my stress out moments and when they're over, things look just a little brighter.

As I'm sitting here writing this, it's sunny and gorgeous outside. And all I want to do is go strolling down the beach. I'm pretty sure it looks like this almost every day here, but for some reason, it seems just a little brighter today.
The wind feels just a bit better than usual.
And when I look at a day like today,
I know that things will be okay.

good is good

It's nice to see people still doing good in the world.
Even if it's just a small act, like a bake sale.

My heart goes out to all those in Japan and all those who have loved ones in Japan.
The stories, videos, and pictures that have been dominating the news are almost unbearable.
There are stories of heartache, stories of survival, and stories of hope.
But most of all, there are stories of people.
People just like you and me.
Only one day they found their lives turned upside down.
One day, they lost the stability in their lives.
And the whole world watched it happen.
We watched lives and memories being swept away.

A tragedy is a tragedy and this occurrence easily fits that definition.
But there is always good that comes from these things.
It amazes me how quickly people respond to disasters.
Thank you for all those individuals and organizations that have sacrificed their time and been so quick to respond and help any and everyone in need.

Isn't it kind of ironic that it often takes an event like this one to really unite us?
I say 'I love you' to those I love every day.
Because what if one day they weren't here anymore?
What if there was some freak accident and time was cut short?
Because it wouldn't just be their time that was cut short--
no, it would be my time as well.
My time with them would no longer exist.

Remember to say 'I love you' and 'thank you.'
Because maybe one day you won't be able to.
And that would be a tragedy.

Do something good for someone.
Help a random person, because you never know what they've gone through.
I've spent a lot of time being selfish and worrying about my own life,
and my own problems.
But it only takes one act of kindness--even from a stranger--to remind me what life is all about.

And when it comes down to it, life is about loving and doing good.
I hope you find ways to
do good
and
show your love today.

sunday quotes

Just a few quotes me and the hubby enjoy:

via

via

via

Decisions decisions..

Sometimes life is just HARD.  No way around it.  Beau and I are getting to a point where we have to make quite a few big decisions.  Or maybe I just feel like we have to make these decisions now.  I don't even know.  This is where my over-preparation gets me in trouble.  I like to have a plan, and as I'm learning, sometimes we can only plan ahead so far before life changes our plans. *Sigh* What's a girl to do?  Grad schools? Where to live? Careers? Family?  Hmmm...I'm sure I'm just blowing all this out of proportion, but sometimes I can't help but be overwhelmed with all the decisions that we have coming up.

Beau graduates in a month, and I graduate a year after that.  So in about a year we will be going SOMEWHERE.  Doing SOMETHING.  But WHAT??  No clue.  Well that's not technically true.  I have plenty of clues.  Too many in fact.  Why do all the choices seem to be so good?  How are we supposed to decide? A year seems like a long time, but just judging how everything else in my life has flown by lately, I know another year is going to come and go in no time at all. I think I need to start appreciating things more.  Cliche right?  I know, but it's true.  I'm always looking ahead and trying to figure out what life has coming for us, and sometimes I forget that I have already been extremely blessed in life.

I'm married to a wonderful man who takes care of me and loves me.  I live in one of the most beautiful vacation spots in the world.  I'm receiving a great education and gaining more experience than I ever could have asked for.  And yet...I'm obsessing over "the plan."  What's the plan??  Ahh, crazy girl I am.  The husband often reminds me that I need to focus more on the "now" and be happy with it.  I get extremely frustrated when he tells me this.  Mostly because he is right of course. What a good husband I have.  He keeps me level headed.  For now, I'm grateful for that and won't worry more than necessary about what's to come.  

Life has been wonderful to me.

More wonderful than I sometimes think I deserve.

Thanks for suffering through my babblings today. 

The place I call home

A few funny things about Hawaii

1. You know how sketchy hitch hiking is? Not in Hawaii. I'll be honest, I've done it about a dozen times or so.
2. Food trucks are immensely popular. Shrimp trucks, taco trucks, you name it, they are loved here.
3. Chickens run rampant. They are not pleasant to wake up to at 5am...
4. It rains A LOT. Perhaps this is common knowledge to some, but before coming here, I never could have imagined how often it rains.
5. SPAM is considered delicious. Yep, that's right, people LOVE it here. I'm talking spam burgers, spam and eggs, even spam-flavored macadamia nuts! Crazy, huh?

But, all in all Hawaii is wonderful.

Thought for the day

“You come into this world absolutely like a plain, unwritten, open book. You have to write your fate; there is nobody who is writing your fate. And who will write your fate? And how? And for what? You come into the world just an open potentiality, a multidimensional potentiality. You have to write your fate, you have to create your destiny. You have to become yourself. You are not born with a ready-made self. You are born only as a seed- and you can die also only as a seed, but you can become a flower, can become a tree.”~Osho

Thought of the Day 1

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often."