a look back at 2012

2012 was a great year for us.  

In fact, exactly one year ago, this happened:

We became involved in this company.

I graduated with my Psychology degree.

We roamed around our lovely island.

And sadly, we said goodbye to our lovely island.

We ventured to New Orleans.

We made and ate delicious food.

We moved ourselves to Nashville and roamed around our new city.

Hubby started his first semester of grad school at Vandy.

We waited for our little bub's arrival.

And we waited a little longer.

And finally, he arrived and we were in love.

And a little bit sleep deprived. 

Actually, we were very sleep deprived.

We traveled to Atlanta for Thanksgiving.

And Virginia Beach for Christmas.

Where hubby went surfing in the freezing Atlantic.
Guess it was a good thing he traded his board in Hawaii for a wetsuit.

We watched our little bub grow bigger and bigger.

We're not too sure what 2013 will bring,
but we're excited for a new adventure.

christmas fun

This was the first Christmas we got to spend with our sweet baby.

We packed him up (and all of his many many necessities) and made the 15 hour drive to Virginia Beach,

where we spent the week with my family.
Hubby, Ollie, and I spent the holiday with my Mom, Step-dad, little Brother, Nanna, and Poppa.

Now I have to preface this with an explanation.
Christmas with my family is a bit...well, it's a bit extravagant.
Actually every holiday is.
My family believes in making big deals about holidays and birthdays.
I thought every family was like this...
My hubby tells me differently though.

Well, with that said, here was Christmas morning.

After all congregating in the living room we started by opening stockings.
Since Ollie was the youngest, he got to go first.
And boy did he get some good stuff.

And from there, we went around opening our stockings in subsequent order by age.
(We're a family that believes in order.)
Kind of.

After stockings were finished, 

the dispersion of gifts began. 

And in my family, if you want to be in charge of gift dispersion, you must wear a Santa hat.

Seriously.  It's a requirement.  It's a rule we enforce every year.

Yeah...maybe I can see how my family is a little crazy...

And then with everything divided...the fun began.  

We really did have a nice Christmas though.
Oliver got lots of cuddle time.

He especially loved cuddling with Poppa. 

They took some good naps together. 

We played lots of Kinect sports.
Nanna was oddly good at hitting the bulls-eye in darts.

And we made lots of funny faces.

Oh how we love Christmastime.

letters to ollie: 3 months old

My dear Oliver,

I must apologize that I'm late in writing this.  

You're actually 3.5 months old already.  

The holiday season has been crazy though, and I've had much more fun playing and running around with you than writing up a post.

We're back in Nashville, all the family visits have ended, and your dad started up a new semester today.

So while I have a load of laundry running and the dishwasher going, 

I'm sitting here with my laptop balanced on my knees and you sleeping in my arms.

A lot has changed in the last month.  

I know I keep saying this, but boy oh boy I can't believe how quickly you're growing.

You absolutely love playing with me and your dad.

You babble and babble. 

Your laugh is completely infectious.  I finally got it on video.

Usually when I pull my phone out to try and video you, you quickly become very quiet and stoic looking.

Not this time though.  You and dad were having way too much fun.

Since you didn't have a 3-month check up, I'm not exactly sure how big you are.  I believe you're about 20lbs and somewhere between 26 and 27 inches though.  

You have your 4-month check up in another two weeks and we'll get some exact measurements.

I think you've started to level out with the weight gain though.

You've cut your daily eating time in half in the past couple weeks.

Oh, and we gave you your first ever bottle of pumped milk a couple weeks back.

You've still only been given a bottle like three times.

I think both of us prefer breastfeeding overall. 

You've started playing with some of your toys.  

You finally have a little bit more control over your hands and you absolutely LOVE grabbing things.  

You grab toys, blankets, arms, hair, and anything else you can get your little fingers around.

You use the Soothie binkies and you figured out how to stick your thumb in the hole in the middle, so you could simultaneously suck on your binkie and thumb.  

A couple weeks ago you figured out that your binkie is also something fun to grab onto.

You're constantly grabbing it and pulling it out of your mouth and trying to put it back in. 

You sometimes get lucky and get it back in, but your coordination is still developing. 

I absolutely love how much you light up when you see me and your dad.

Don't get me wrong, you're happy with pretty much anyone, but it's amazing to see how much you recognize and love your dad and me.  

That smile of yours gets me every time.  

We've been practicing your tummy time a lot more, and you're definitely getting stronger.

You're not rolling quite yet, but you can easily push yourself up on your forearms.

You sleep on your tummy you little punk.

It's honestly the only way you'll sleep.  

I know it's not recommended, but your dad and I finally decided we'd let you do it.

We bought one of those fancy AngelCare monitors that sounds an alarm if you ever stop moving or breathing.

That alone has given me more peace of mind that I can tell you.

I never really realized how much parents worry until I had you.

Well my dear baby, I worry about you all the time.

I worry about your sleeping habits, your eating habits, whether you're too cold or too hot.

I worry when you get dry skin.  I worry about your socks being too tight and making you uncomfortable.

I worry, worry, worry.

But I keep doing the things I believe are right and the things that work for us.

And so far you seem to be happy and healthy.  

I know I don't do everything perfectly, but I hope that you always know I'm doing the best that I know how.

I look at you every day and I'm reminded just how lucky I am.

You and your dad are the biggest blessings in my life.

Being a stay-at-home-mom isn't always the easiest, but I know it's what's best for you 

and I'm so lucky your dad and I are able to make it work so that I can be here with you.

As high maintenance as you can sometimes be my dear baby, I wouldn't trade all the little moments for anything.

I love you so incredibly much.

I love watching you grow everyday.

I love seeing the world through your bright and curious eyes.

Every morning is like a new experience for you.

I love watching you figure out your surroundings.

I love listening to your babblings.

I even love when you get frustrated with me and dad and you "scold" us in your adorable angry babble.

Oh Oliver, 

I really can't imagine my life without you.

You've made it so I rarely sleep and hardly ever get time to myself.

And yet I'm happy.

I'm happy and proud to be your momma.

Keep on growing little man.

Love you forever,

Momma 

P.S You had a great first Christmas.  I'll write about a little later this week. 

all worth it

It's the moments like these that make motherhood completely worth it.

I'm so in love with this little man.

labor, postpartum, and baby: what I wish I knew beforehand...

There's a lot of things that people don't tell you about having a baby.

They tell you all the wonderful, positive things, 

but they tend to leave out the "not so cute" stuff.

Well, I wish someone had stepped up and told me about all the hard stuff.

Not because it would have changed anything, 

but it would have been nice to know what to expect.
I love my baby more than I can say, but boy is it different than I once anticipated.

So in the event I ever have another baby (that one's still up for debate haha),

here are the things I wanna remember:

Labor

• A birth plan is just that.  A plan.  It's okay to stray from it.  Don't go into labor expecting everything to go exactly one way.  You can plan as much as you want, but in the end, the events do not always happen as you intended them to.  Be flexible.  The most important thing is you and your baby.  
• Even though you have months and months to prepare to meet your sweet baby, nothing can really prepare you for that first moment when you meet your child.  It's a beautiful thing.  
• Your nurse and midwife/doctor have a huge effect on your overall birthing experience.  I was blessed to have a WONDERFUL labor nurse and midwife.  They were so incredibly helpful and supportive.  I knew I would be relying a lot on my dear hubby, but I had no idea how appreciative I would be of my nurse and midwife.  I honestly wish I had brought some kind of "thank you" for them.  

Postpartum

• Recovery sucks.  I had a relatively easy recovery, but there's still nothing fun about labor recovery.
• It takes a while for your boobs to feel normal. It took about 2 days for the painfulness of breastfeeding to catch up with me.  I remember the first time I fed my baby I thought to myself, "this isn't as bad as people make it seem."  Yeah...give it a day or two of a baby sucking on you every 2 hours and then tell me how you feel.  I wouldn't have survived without Medala Soothing Pads and lanolin cream.
• Your unmentionable area is gonna be a mess for awhile.  Listen to the nurses and REST.  Even when you start feeling better, take it easy.  Your body will certainly let you know if you do too much.  And when I say too much, I mean like tidying up the house may even send your body into a fit and having you wish you had just stayed in bed for the day.  REST AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!
• Accept pain medicine at the hospital and keep up with it at home.  There's nothing to prove by refusing pain medicine while healing.  Your body has just gone through a trauma and I promise you will appreciate those motrin pills.  
• Accept any and all help! I thought once the baby came, I'd be able to be superwoman and still do everything.  Well, I got a bit slap of reality after labor.  Recovery is hard.  Taking care of a newborn is hard.  Being sleep deprived is hard.  Finding time to eat/make food is hard.  Finding time to keep your house remotely presentable is nearly impossible.  Add all those up and you can see how difficult of a time you might have if you're doing everything on your own.  So when family offers to help out, ACCEPT IT! Feel free to tell people what it is that you really need though.  If people offer to bring you meals, ACCEPT IT! Once the meals stopped coming in, hubby and I ate quesadillas for a week straight, because it was the only thing I had the time/energy to make.  
• Don't expect things to get back to "normal" ever.  You'll eventually feel more normal, but you'll soon fall into a "new normal." 
• If you're like me, you'll feel a crazy sense of anxiety all the time.  I hated having people hold my baby. I know that's crazy, but I had such a hard time napping when others offered to hold and watch my baby.  I'd sit in bed, exhausted but unable to turn off my brain.  Is my baby okay?  I should be holding him.  What if he gets hungry and no one realizes it?  What if he needs me? Yeah, I was a little crazy.  I may still be.  It's getting better though.  
• Once you feel up to it, make it a point every day to take care of yourself. Dress yourself up, put in your contacts, and throw on some make up.  It'll make you feel so much more like yourself.  Don't lose yourself just because you have a baby.  You're still you.  
• It's totally okay to cry.  Cry as much as you want.  Don't be ashamed for feeling overwhelmed.  Don't allow yourself to believe that you're somehow inadequate for not immediately loving every aspect of motherhood.  It doesn't mean you love your baby any less.  It just means that you're human and that it's a hard adjustment.  You'll be okay.  

Baby

• You know what's best for your baby.  Don't let other people's comments make you believe any different.  Everyone has an opinion when it comes to babies.  Everyone thinks they know what's best. They'll tell you your baby is eating too much or too little.  They'll tell you the best ways to get your baby to sleep.  They'll tell you all kinds of things.  But when it comes down to it, YOU are the mom and only YOU know what is best for your sweet baby.  Trust your instincts.  
• It's okay to feel "lost" the first couple weeks.  You, your husband, and your baby are all trying to figure each other out for the first time.  It's okay to not immediately know what all of your baby's cries mean.  You'll learn in time.  
• Your adorable, sweet baby is going to make you more sleep deprived than you ever thought possible.  People tell you you're gonna be tired, but you really can't comprehend it until you have your baby.  It's seriously a whole new level of sleep deprivation.  Be strong.  The first couple weeks are the hardest.  You may think you're not gonna make it through, but I promise you will.  If you need help, ask for it.  Newborns are a lot of work.
• After labor, babies have to clear out their systems.  For the first couple days, they may seem like they're choking and spit up a lot of fluid.  When this happened, I was honestly scared to death.  I seriously thought my tiny little baby was going to choke and die.  He'd turn red and purple and stop breathing for a couple of seconds.  Believe it or not, this is normal.  They have a lot of extra amniotic fluid in their system that they need to clear out.  
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to people.  Everyone loves babies and everyone wants to touch and hold them.  Use your judgement in exposing your baby.  Their immune systems are still developing, and when they're first born they don't have their immunizations yet, putting them at risk.  Make sure people wash their hands before holding and touching your baby.  This doesn't make you the "bad guy." It makes you a mom watching out for her baby and that's perfectly fine. 
• Newborns digestive systems are still adjusting and developing.  This can cause a lot of discomfort for your baby, such as gas or reflux.  My little guy had terrible gas the first few weeks.  He would stay up screaming in pain at night because he was having stomach pains and having difficulty passing gas.  Gas drops helped us at first.  It's progressively gotten better though.
• If you're ever worried, call the pediatrician.  That's what they're there for and it'll save you hours of worry if you just voice your concerns.  
• Take as many pictures as you can.  You won't believe just how quickly your baby will grow and change.

I'm sure there are other things, but for now, this is quite the hefty list. 

Babies are wonderful, but they're such hard work. 

It's definitely an adjustment, but one that is quite possible.

It just takes time. 

Be patient and know that there are people out there in your same situation. 

And more important, there are people out there who want to help you in any way they can.

It's okay to not be superwoman.  I'm still figuring that out myself.

But I'm trying to remind myself that it'll all be okay.  

So if I ever have another child, these are the things I hope to remember.

But like I said, having another one is still up for debate.  

We'll take it a day at a time.